The Supra-Organic History of Idiocy

2006-10-25T17:13:00.000-07:00

Thankfully, Nothing is Sacred

2006-10-25T16:57:00.000-07:00

I used to believe that age was sacred,
That people respected their elders, and didn't beat them over the head for their social security cheques, or steal their canes in the night then beat them over the heads with their own canes and steal their social security cheques.
I used to believe youth was a gift,
Then at the age of four I was savagely beaten over the head with a cane by an old man, who promptly stole my social security cheque.
I used to believe that a picture was worth a thousand words,
until a blank canvas was sold for a million dollars to a man who had just chewed off his own tongue.
I used to believe that time would heal all wounds,
until an arm from the town clock came shooting down from above, severing my wheelchair-bound friend in half.
And I used to believe that, no matter what, I'd always have food on the table for my family. Until I became food on the table for someone else's family.
Yeah, I used to believe of a lot of things. A lot of things which I don't hold true anymore.

2006-01-04T15:45:00.000-08:00

Lucky Comics #4: Hideously available while supplies last....

A Supra-Organic Examination Exclusive: Lucky Comics #4

2006-01-04T15:20:00.000-08:00

Recently, one of the finest Canadian comics currently in print released its fourth issue. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this crazed, zany, manic, perverse, offbeat, jaw-dropping, EXSCRUMPTIOUS (that word is used very infrequently and is the exclusive property of us here at Supra-Organic) explosive comic, LUCKY has been in operation for several years and shows no signs of stopping anytime soon. After four issues, this wild, weird and whorling (that last term added for dynamic effect) 'zine is even less sane than usual - one simply has to flip through it's pages to enter into a bizzare, ludicrous world from which there is no escape. One could actully escape - to tell the truth - by putting down the comic, but for the sake of argument, let us simply say that there is no escape.

2006-01-04T15:07:00.000-08:00

This is a tiny, hairless mole most likely found under some kind of soil. The actual small size of the mole would not permit one to be able to make much money off such a creature or to use it in - say - a large, creole-style stew, but the look on the face of the creature, which we belive is a look which says "how's she goin", is probably valuable in that it could appeal to easily coerced Eastern Canadians, especially in light of the upcoming federal election. Politicians take note.

2006-01-04T14:42:00.000-08:00

This would be known as a hybrid animal, unusual only because it would have so little edible meat on its bones. One can safely assume that somewhere in the world, a dog and bluejay have already been crossed and thus, we shall see such an animal as this flying around in our trees relatively soon.

2005-10-24T22:18:00.000-07:00

An odd, unusual and uncomfortably bright flash in a mirror can produce this effect. The result is interesting, but not particularly valuable since it makes very little money.

A Supra-Organic Exclusive: Random Photos of Meaningless Things

2005-10-24T21:29:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, when the season gets cold for us here at Supra-Organic, our photographers go out and film random, silly, useless and trivial objects. There's no real reason or rhyme to this, it's just something that happens. Mozart. There, now that I've written Mozart inexplicably just before the start of this sentence, let us explain how this kind of thing began.
Several years ago, before we went on line (the Supra-Organic history of idiocy was previous written and printed on rolls of toilet paper which were then sold to the American consumer public), one of our photographers was drunkenly cavorting around after a shooting a live, animal sex scene, when he accidentally (some now say he was pushed to fulfil a destiny), tripped and fell, sending his camera flying. Unknown to him, as he picked himself up off of the ground, was the fact that his finger had accidentally pressed the shutter button as he fell and taken an odd picture of a large, horribly flattened grashopper dead on the sidewalk. As the picture was later developed, and many here were to see it - it dawned on us that such a thing - the photographing of forgettable images - should be pursued. To that end, we sent out photogaphers on an assignment, and got a bunch of hideous photographs we couldn't use. The second time was a little better but still forgettable. Finally, we just decided to accept whatever the hell our photographers would give us, so in a way, three times was a charm.
So there it is, a valuable history lessen about us at Supra-Organic. We hope you enjoy these photos, and that they somehow inspire you to film whatever you choose to film, be it old sticks of wood, large, flabby rubber asses or dead presidents which you've just dug up with your bare hands.
Enjoy!

2005-07-15T17:51:00.000-07:00

What conclusions can we draw from this exclusive? On the surface, there are too many crappy and pointless 'things' out there, and far, far too few hammers, flamethrowers or shredding machines. Secondly, just because you've got something odd and unusual, doesn't mean that what you've got is 'good'. It's more likely that you're in posession of something so inexplicable, ugly or useless that it best be buried on land, under the sea or (preferably) on the moon. And finally, if you are that kind of person that likes to keep old junk around, and your house is piled up with old headless, limbless or eyeless dolls, giant penis statues, taxidermied animals fused into weird positions or any other such garbage, for the sake of your marriage, your family, hell, your whole life - GET RID OF IT!!

2005-07-15T16:34:00.000-07:00

Saving the worst for last - racist items which should be acquired and then smashed to pieces with a sledgehammer as soon as possible. Below: A racist coin bank, racist cup and plate set, racist eyelet box and one genuinely racist bottle opener.

2005-07-15T14:34:00.000-07:00

Why would anyone waste their valuable time in the creation of something so inexplicably stupid? Hey, welcome to America. Below: Something made out of scrap metal, a piece of wood and a bunch of garbage, moose poop earrings (encased in lucite) and a hideous piece of driftwood with a pair of glasses glued to it.

2005-07-15T14:10:00.000-07:00

This assignment was especially trying for our photographers, especially in light of the fact that - as before hinted - many of them flew into uncontrollable rages at having to look at so many awful, awful things. Many objects were destroyed before they could be photographed, many tempers flaring to the boiling point before exploding in fits of anger and frustration. Some of the worst objects seen by our photographers were, however, captured - above is a small sample of what they saw. The conclusion here is that - if you can go scouring through your neighbour's garbage bin, pull out the most incongruous pieces of twisted trash that few people in their right mind would ever think of even touching and then slap those pieces together with some crazy glue or coat 'em in some kind of clear, hard resin, you've got yourself a genuinely bizarre item. It also means that you're a fool and you'd best go out a look for work soon before putting your family in the poor house.

2005-07-15T14:00:00.000-07:00

Other pointless things: A cross between a toy poodle and a rubber duck, an skull with glass eyes inset for 'educational purposes', and a stupid clown made out of seashells.

2005-07-15T13:52:00.000-07:00

Homemade crafts are often equally as bizarre, and no less awful. Below: A pipe-troll doll thing, a snuff-ashtray made out of a ram's head (on wheels), a figurine which looks to have been made out of an apple core and an old man's pubic hair, and something I'll let you figure out for yourself.

2005-07-15T13:44:00.000-07:00

Sometimes in life, you may come across something - at a garage sale, at an auction, in the basement of your grandparents home - which was obviously hand made by someone with little or no talent, but which is interesting, tasteful and worth keeping. Of course - more often than not - you're more likely in life to find sculptures and home-made ornaments in these same places which make you wince and gag, and which you have the urge to smash into little tiny bits while screaming at the top of your lungs. Such are the hand-crafted items our photographers came upon - objects such as hand-bags made out of bull scrotums, jutting penis ornamentsand ugly, pointless and otherwise inexplicable statues. In the course of finding these items, a number of them were (un)fortunately destroyed by our people, usually to the indifference of the object's owners. Such is the plight, one supposes, of crafts that - while intended to showcase the craftmanship of the artisan, usually end up showcasing an unforgettable degree of poor taste instead.

2005-07-15T12:42:00.000-07:00

Your child will hate you. Below: An antique doll with no eyes, an interesting piece obviously made by an abusive alchoholic parent, and two very, very ugly dolls proving that realism and toy making are two unhappy bedfellows.

2005-07-15T12:30:00.000-07:00

Our photographers, on assignment for this exclusive, also came back with pictures of dolls - not simply barbie dolls or crying baby dolls, but the best (or worst, depending upon how you examine the situation) kind of dolls - emotionally scarring dolls. If you wish to damage your child for life, there is really no better way; certainly, we recieved no shortage of hideous, shitty, freakishly ugly dolls. Some were mundane and not worth noting, to be sure - others were simply too frightening to look at for very long.
Why are they unusual? Well, if you assume that most dolls are cute and cuddly, and then reverse the veracity of that assumption by demonstrating countless examples of 'dolls' guaranteed to make young children shit their pants over and over again, you have something outside the norm. Now let's move on....

2005-07-15T11:56:00.000-07:00

Often, junk attempts to pass for genuinely odd items. Below: 'Jesus Toast', 'What Would Jesus Do' potholders, 'Ghost Poop' and a Banana and peanut butter in a hot dog bun.

2005-07-15T11:00:00.000-07:00

First off, there are the genuinely trite, useless and generally godawful things out there which should probably never be mentioned, although for the sake of this article, we'll examine a few (while keeping our distance). Uncreative and idiotic people often try to suggest these things as "Weird, unusual, odd" or "crazy!!!" but such objects are more often than not exasperatingly ugly and exceptionally stupid. Among the worst of these are taxidermy frogs, items claimed to have some kind of religious or divine inspiration, 'haunted' pens or other posessed items, and homemade 'crafts'. One might have a chuckle, or even a moment of gaping wonder upon first glance at some of these items. However, upon closer inspection, one is more likely to realize a gaping hole in the imagination of society that such useless nonsense could ever come to fruition. Our faithful photographers captured a few selections for your bemusement - read on, faithful viewer of this absurd blog.

2005-07-15T10:17:00.000-07:00

Wonderment and awe always greet the arrival of something unknown, terrible thing.

The New Deal - What in the FAAAAAAAAAACK is it?

2005-07-15T10:05:00.000-07:00

Every so often you come upon something so utterly strange, so mind defyingly bizarre, so outrageusly mystifying to the imagination that you just have to stare at it, sketch it out, or even take a picture of it. Or, if you happen to be in Toronto, where disorderly and strange things are out of the question and sensibility and protocol must rule the day, you destroy it by stomping it to pieces under your expensive Gucci loafers. Luckily, our photographers have picked up on a few things and - upon our prompting - have resisted the urge to completely destroy such objects out of frustrated misunderstandings. With this in mind, we now present to you, another interesting and original New Deal exclusive, "What in the FAAAAAAAAAACK Is It?" - Enjoy.

2005-05-29T23:50:00.000-07:00

Finally, as the fiery, scorching, totally unnecessary (considering how far we've come with technology, heck, we might as well wipe the damn thing out) sun cowardly dips below it's protective horizon, Karlson settles in for the night. His belly contently full of Vegarian chili, his mind at ease knowing all that he has accomplished for the day, he catches an episode of "Heaters" his favorite program and retreats to the comfort of his nightly repose. Yes, the day may have ended for this highly original and unconventional man, but as our staff photographer gets one last shot of Karlson relaxing, just before the lights go out (literally, the cameraman in question callously crushed several ants crawling across the floor and was hit over the head by Karlson with a heavy water-bottle shortly after the photo was taken, killing him instantly), we get the sense that tomorrow will be another adventure for our much-loved protangonist. And so, with one last look at this odd and compelling young hipster, we bid adieu, and vow to follow his adventures one day again in the near future. The moment we can afford to hire another camera man.

2005-05-29T23:18:00.000-07:00

At the end of the day, Karlson is relaxed and at ease, yet still willing to give us - the salivating audience - a taste of his well honed, down home charm.

2005-05-29T22:52:00.000-07:00

Karlson's AI super-computer - with an intelligence of it's own, it could be running the office, or perhaps the world, but prefers to reduce emissions instead.

2005-05-29T22:51:00.000-07:00

The speed, ease and accuracy with which Karlson accomplishes his daily tasks at work astonish most, even those who witness his feats on a daily basis. Says one employee of his prowess therein, "I like saw him do this stuff and it was like, whoa, man, like... Whoa, yeah, crazy fast like... Whoa..." Telling words indeed. Aided by an environmentally conscious, artificially-intelligent "super computer", Karlson's work flows with a sophisticated style that few other possess.

2005-05-29T22:14:00.000-07:00

Karlson - he has no illusions at all when it comes to work

2005-05-29T22:12:00.000-07:00

At work, our camera man finds Karlson busy - very, very busy by the standards of normal men. As part of his regular work schedule, Karlson is required to answer phones and soothe the 'jangled nerves' of important celebrity VIP's who call in for his special brand of reassurance. Then, every half hour, he must make a new pot of his famed 'Vegarian Chili', which the entire staff of his office is now reportedly hooked on. Added to this is perhaps the most trying part of his day - trying, we should add, for other men, but something Karlson is said to handle with pleasure and ease. This involves something that happens - with the door closed - in the office of Karlson's sexy, alluring female boss. Karlson is seen several times per day casually answering the 'beckon call' of this boss - he enters the office, the door closes behind him, and apparently the blinds are also pulled. We assume what is happening behind this door is some high-level, very hot knitting - it can only be assumed that a very high grade of wool which cannot be viewed by the public is being used in such an operation, thus necessiating the closure of the office. Exciting stuff, if this is the case, and indeed it most likely is.

2005-05-29T21:59:00.000-07:00

The fabled slanty house - standing exactly as shown in photograph.

2005-05-29T21:54:00.000-07:00

Karlson then appears in front of the famed and revered Toronto landmark known as the 'Slanty House', a house reportedly built to meet the exact specifications of the hill upon which it is situated. Karlson declines the invitation to be photographed, says something about the slanty house meaning more to him than life itself, the universe or Oprah, and then proceeds to enter the house, meeting an as of yet unknown woman at the door. He doesn't re-emerge for a while - presumably, intensive knitting is happening within the walls of the slanty house, which - if true - is an exciting first that we are thrilled to report.

2005-05-29T21:31:00.000-07:00

An odd feline encountered by Karlson on his May Something journey - note it's multi-colored body, a sure sign of contempt for the world of simplicity and order.

2005-05-29T21:15:00.000-07:00

Karlson is next met by a staff photographer crossing the street on a "bi-cycle", an antiquated, comical-looking, slow-moving, muscle-powered vehicle used extensively in the twentieth and nineteenth centries and now replaced by the (much faster, more wasteful, louder and therefore - in our opinion - better) automobile. He stops his 'bi-cycle' - the 'bi' implies perhaps that the vehicle can perform one of two important sexual functions which will not be described here - to admire a passing cat, and then continues on his way. Karlson is indeed a "man on a mission".

2005-05-29T20:05:00.000-07:00

The bright sunshine of the early morning - blinding for many men - but Karlson feeds off of it.

2005-05-29T20:00:00.000-07:00

Walking to an unknown and probably exciting destination (more exciting than that of the usual person) Karlson is photographed by a (now former) staff photographer in the bright sunlight. Appearing confident and relaxed, Karlson is assumed to be easy to photograph - little does the meek and mild-mannered camera man following his adventures know that he himself has just stepped on a bird while trying to get the perfect angle on Karlson, crushing the poor winglet in his wake. As he crouches down, snapping the photo at just the right moment - further flattening the bird in the process - Karlson seizes the opportunity to get revenge for the feathered creature; out of nowhere, a giant, man-sized recycling bin is produced, which Karlson launches the terrified and perplexed camera man into like a projectile. A recycling truck in waved in, again seemingly out of nowhere, and the camera man is carted off, presumably to be broken down and turned into a more useful item. Karlson then makes a call to our office, letting us know what has happened - we gladly send out another picture-taker to follow his continuing travels for the rest of the day.

2005-05-29T19:50:00.000-07:00

The Morning - even fresh out of bed, Karlson is primed, defiant and ready to go.

2005-05-29T19:24:00.000-07:00

Karl Karlson, on the date of May Something, 2005 (exact date obscured for some obscure reason), leaps out of bed with no prior warning, kicking his door opening - his signature "Whut" reverberates around his small apartment flat, letting all know that this unique man has finally emerged from a sound and useful slumber. No sooner has he done this when suddenly, he appears in the hallway of his flat, brandishing a magazine in which he has a starring role in an article about knitting. Karlson has been doing some knitting, and the world will soon understand this all too well.
Alas that this moment should last too long, Karlson unexpectedly dissapears into the kitchen and prepares a massive bowl of Vegerian Chili (an odd, home-grown variation on vegetarian chili) which he consumes instantly - in a flash, he has fled the scene.

The New Deal - A Supra-Organic Exclusive

2005-05-29T19:08:00.000-07:00

Karl Karlson has a blogsite. Actually, he has several. He goes by many names - some call him DJ Damage, others know him Wing Machine - he's even been called the "Geraldo Riviera of the Independent Music Interview Scene". Here, in this exclusive scoop, we follow the life of this enigmatic figure for a day, taking note of the many unusual adventures he goes through along the way. As wild as our happenings may often turn out to be, I guarantee you that after reading this interview, you might never feel the same about your day-to-day adventures again. Read On, faithful patron of this absurd blog.....

Welcome to the new deal!!!!!

2005-05-28T16:56:00.000-07:00

Well, you asked for it, and now here it is. Alright, you may not have asked for it, but now you're gettin it up yer big bad baboon bopper, just cause I say so. What does that mean? Why do I say and do the things that I do? If you're asking yourself those questions right now, just stop, because chances are in a moment, I could be behind your back, breathing down your neck, and you wouldn't want to be asking stupid questions at that point... I'm liable to do anything to your hot bod, and.... Well, let's leave it at that. Anyhow, here is the first installment of this new blog. You probably won't like it. I don't care.